It was Nan’s funeral today. I’ve only ever been to two funerals, that I remember anyway, and I was very young for the first and the second was a little more recent but I wasn’t as emotionally attached.
We arrived at my Grandad’s house. Where me, my Mum, my Grandad, my Auntie and my Great-Auntie and my brother travelled in the limo funeral car. We followed Nan the whole way there. And I kept getting a few tears in my eyes. I knew if I started I just wouldn’t stop so kept trying to force them away.
As we arrived closer and closer to the crematorium I could feel my nerves bubbling away like little butterflies in my stomach. The tears were harder to prevent when I saw all the familiar faces waiting for us, all red eyed and emotional. It was worse when I saw my OH glance over at me with a “it’s ok” smile on his face.
The service was something Nan would have loved. I learnt a lot from her eulogy, stuff from before I knew her. Like she met my Grandad on a blind date, that she was born at 3lbs, that she worked in a fashion department in a shop and many other things that have left me wondering why we didn’t get to speak about them.
I was terrified about speaking in front of everyone. Terrified of bursting into tears. There was only two of us that went to speak; my Auntie’s husband K (I guess my Uncle by marriage) and me. K went first but had to pass the speech over to the vicar. Then it was my turn.
I knew that if I looked up at everyone I would burst into tears and I had to get through this for my Nan. So I twiddled my handkerchief and kept my eyes on my letter. I nearly choked up after the first sentence, but I took a deep breath and somehow managed the whole thing!!
I’m so relieved that I decided to do this for Nan. I’m glad I didn’t chicken out. I would have been so disappointed with myself. Everyone congratulated me, saying they couldn’t have done something like that and that I was brave. I just love and miss my Nan terribly.
It was nice to catch up with some family friends and family. My Grandad held himself together as always I’m so proud of him.
I guess it’s time to prepare for our wedding…
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