When I typed “Mother’s Day” into my blog search bar this morning, it came up with nothing amazing and that was actually written on the day itself. I did find this post from 3 years ago which hit a nerve and made feel angry and sad all at once but reminded me exactly why I’ve never made a big thing about Mother’s Day on my parenting blog.
Growing up I don’t think I ever made much of an effort with Mother’s Day. My step-dad never really helped me make an effort and so my Mum ended up with nursery or school made gifts that although she probably loved, because I love getting the ones my girls make, it wasn’t what she deserved. Back then she was an amazing mother, always putting me first above her needs, my absolute best friend and the one I would turn to for anything, she supported me through my teenage pregnancy and was just an amazing mum. She deserved more than a card with a hand print or a fake flower made of tissue paper.
Social media has really upset me already this morning. I suppose it’s a hint of jealousy. The year I wrote that post about my mum was the year that our relationship crumbled. Something that was so devastating to me and something you watch on EastEnders that you think will never happen to your own life. It’s been three years nearly that I haven’t had a relationship with my own mum. In fact I have tears in my eyes writing this which is ridiculous. None of it was my fault, none of it was my choice and I certainly can’t be the one to fix any of it either.
So I don’t have anyone to buy for now that I could, now that I’m a grown up. I have no one to celebrate. My own Mother’s Days have never been fantastic either. Being pretty much a single mum for the first 3 years meant that Mothering Sunday was just like any other day; early mornings, spending the day with my daughter and meeting her demands. Being a mum or a dad is a full time job, it’s 24 hours 7 days a week with no breaks. You can’t just switch off from being a mum, no matter how tempting it is.
That’s why over the years I have come to accept that although it would be lovely to have a lay in, followed by breakfast in bed and some thoughtful presents, I don’t actually need those things. I don’t need to be celebrated one day a year for all the things I do for my girls and my family. Every day of the year I should feel appreciated and deep down I know that I am, even when nobody shows it. I have three amazing daughters that are so different in every way. I created them and as their mum I will continue to nurture them for all of my life. I won’t be a failure like my own mother and walk away when things get a little tough. I will continue to fight for them, against them and with them.
Now I’m going to crack on with my Mother’s Day. So far it’s started at 6am, I’ve had two poopy nappies to contend with and breakfast to make. Thankfully P3 allowed me to have a pretty much full night of sleep as she slept through the night and she’s being pretty happy and content so far. Then when the other two come back from their monthly sleepover at my Mums, I will give them the biggest cuddles ever and cherish every single moment of my mothering journey. Not just for one day but forever.