I can’t believe it’s been a whole year since I last wrote to you. Today marks two years since you left us.
So much has happened this past year. We welcomed a new baby girl, your third Granddaughter, and she came into the world so dramatically. It was very strange for only Grandad to pop his head around the door of the hospital and come with me to visit P3 in Special Care. You were one of the first people to meet P1 and P2 and I so desperately wanted and needed you there for P3. Don’t worry Nan, she is our last child and there won’t be any need for “I knew it” coming from you any more.
All three girls are simply amazing. You would have loved them and you certainly would have found P2 to be a very cheeky monkey. You always knew she would be. She has warmed to Grandad, I remember her being quite frightened of you in her early days but all of that has disappeared now and she’s confident with the people she knows. She’s nothing like P1, P1 is still tiny like me but she’s doing ok. We see a paediatrician for her various problems and things are finally looking up in the terms of the support she’s getting.
My blog is doing better than I ever imagined. You were always so proud of my writings and I’d print things off for you because you didn’t have the internet, talking of which Grandad still hasn’t got it can you believe it. I am now a top 100 UK parenting blogger. How crazy is that?
Grandad is doing well I think. He’s been on so many short trips and even abroad since you’ve been gone. I know you’re watching down on him pleased that he’s living his life the best he can. I miss him though, I don’t see him as much as I should do and I’m sorry for that. I would be travelling much more if I had my own car but I had to sell that.
I love it over here in Kent. It’s such a better life and I think you probably would have loved visiting too although you may have struggled on our stairs, they are quite steep. I have made some lovely friends and I am always really busy with the girls going to various groups and play sessions. I have completely changed and I wish so badly that you could have been around to see the new me. I have blonde hair at the moment, you hated my hair blonde, and it’s shorter which I personally hate.
Oh and I’m making Grandad proud because I’m eating much better. In fact there’s not much I won’t eat or at least try. Everything from Chinese to Indian, even simple things like Lasagne! I still love making cheese on toast though because it reminds me of your very last meal and for some odd reason that’s special to me.
Grandad asked me to pick out some clothes of yours to keep before he donated the rest to charity. I picked out a cardigan and a few other tops. I’m actually wearing one of them now, it’s white with some butterflies on, but the cardigan is my favourite. It’s too baggy, and really doesn’t suit me, Hubby hates it too but when I wear it I always think of you. I don’t actually remember you ever wearing it but it was yours and that’s what matters.
I’m trying so hard to keep your memories alive with P1. I wish I had been there to photograph and record more of the times you spent together to help her but I didn’t and that will always be my biggest regret. I’m sorry, I really do think that P1 is going to forget you and that scares the hell out of me! She was so lucky to have known you and had so many special, precious memories that she’ll have stored somewhere in her brain forever.
I love you Nan. I always will. It still feels so unreal that one minute you were there, not healthy, but happy and normal and you were taken so instantly from us.