When I had P1 I was made to feel ashamed of myself by some mums at the school, despite the fact all my fellow school “friends” we’re very supportive. The petition to have me removed from the school only made me more determined to prove them wrong. But as time went on and P1 arrived it was clear that becoming a mum so young put a huge wall between me and my friends.
I became a recluse. I didn’t want to go to bowling or cinema with friends and the thought of attending a baby group with all older parents made me feel sick with nerves. I spent every day curled up in bed with P1 wearing baggy clothes and watching countless amounts of day time TV and updating MySpace every time P1 pooped. Getting a job, moving out and growing older helped.
Six years on I am no longer a recluse. I owe that to my Hubby though, pushing me forward, helping me to feel confident in my own skin and about our own situation. The move to Kent was by far the absolute best decision we’ve ever made. It was like starting a complete fresh start and a new chapter. Leaving the past, the people the know me and all that comes with that behind. I still chat to my best friend N nearly every day and I know, like she knows, we’ll always be there for each other.
It’s coming up to two years since we made the move. At the beginning I took P2 to several baby groups, desperate to make new friends but it just ended up being a place for P2 to let off steam and socialise rather than me because I was extremely shy and still learning about being a friendly, approachable person. It’s not like I’m a nasty person, I just struggle with communication and eye contact, oh and conversation flow.
Now with P3 added to the mix too, I have found new confidence that I never thought I’d have in a social situation. I have a lovely group of friends that I feel I can rely on and I see one of them several times a week. But it’s not just the new friends I’ve made that has changed me. I have a real need to get out especially with the weather so beautiful.
I’m so grateful that the local park was opened a couple of weeks ago and this week we have practically lived there. I really enjoy just walking down to Tesco to grab one item or heading to feed the ducks. Even to the nature trail. I don’t know if it’s because I personally enjoy them or because I love seeing P2s little face light up when we do these things.
I have felt a little guilty for P1. P2 and P3 are spending quality time with me doing fun activities and exploring the world but P1 didn’t get these opportunities. There was nothing nearby for her to do when she was a baby for one and I just didn’t have the confidence back then. I really wish I did because there’s something so rewarding to see your children smile and enjoy themselves.
Next weekend my little group of new adult friends are leaving our kiddies with the hubby’s and heading to Rs house to have some food and a girlie night. You can’t believe how nervous I feel yet am super excited. It’s a step forward in the whole friend and socialising department. Something I have never experienced before as an adult. There’s still debate as to whether it’ll be a takeaway or a home cook meal but I know it’s going to be so much fun once I get past her front door.
I am so incredibly grateful for so many people that have helped me turn from a lonely caterpillar into a butterfly ready to spread my wings. I want to be the best role model for my girls and get them out as much as possible. All three of them. What do you get up to with your friends?