Imagine queuing for a roller coaster that you’ve never been on before. You’re excited and happy. Then you get strapped into the seat and your nerves rocket, you experience all the emotions possible as you wait for it to begin. As it climbs up the track with just the sky in view you can feel your body shaking with fear but there’s also that excitement still there. Then it suddenly hurtles you forwards, down quicker than it went up. The ride whizzes you around the track so quickly and it’s over within a flash. That’s what pregnancy feels like.
I’ve been on this roller coaster, the one of pregnancy, labour and birth, twice before. Yet I think this time I’m even more nervous, I feel physically and emotionally more unprepared than my first pregnancy. My body isn’t copying with it especially now. I’m in constant pain from my hips and I’m constantly uncomfortable. The thought of leaving the house terrifies me at the moment. I could give a teenager a run for their money with my mood swings. One minute I’m normal, then I’ll just snap and be in tears or feeling like my blood is boiling. The kids aren’t behaving with each other and P2 is waking three or four times a night. It all contributes to the way I’m feeling.
There’s so many ladies and couples out there dreaming of the day they can become a parent, carry and nurture their child inside them and so many struggle to reach that dream. I feel ungrateful that I’m sat here hoping my last few weeks hurry the heck up. I want my body back. I feel like a ticking time bomb emotionally and physically. I’m desperate for that bomb to go off so I can be in control of myself again.