Today I realised I am not alone. This sounds silly because there’s honestly so much coverage on the topic that I’m talking about, yet I still felt very lonely.
Being a mum of three is hard work. They are draining. They are a constant. I always feel I’m not good enough for them, that they could be having a better life with another person as their mum.
I fail them by shouting, I fail them by forgetting important dates or things needed at school, I fail them for not having clean socks, I fail them for never cooking fresh dinners from scratch, for only bathing them once a week.
I fail them for getting angry in the middle of the night when they’ve woken me because of a bad dream. I fail them for taking a little bit longer to reach them sometimes when I think that cry wasn’t a “I’m hurt cry” and a “I’m trying to get attention” then finding them with a cut or graze or bump.
I fail them because sometimes I don’t say the right things. Sometimes I’m too harsh, too critical and grumpy. I fail them when I wish them to go to their grandparents just so I can stop for a few minutes or days.
But actually today made me realise that all of these things are normal. Just sometimes parenting can get too much and it’s ok to not be ok. It’s ok to cry from exhaustion, it’s ok to shout, it’s ok to show emotions whether they be angry, happy or sad. It’s ok.
Thank you to my dear friend who was also feeling the above. Drained and not knowing if she was doing the right thing. She is and we do every single day. It may not feel like it and to others we may seem like we have it together, but realistically do any of us truly have our sh*t together?!