I briefly saw you this morning, I say this morning but now it’s actually yesterday, we joked about how it was half past nine in the morning and you were still in bed. I told you how P1 had got on going into school. Then I left. I didn’t kiss you goodbye like I have been recently as I was in a rush.
That was the last time I saw you. Nan you passed away this afternoon in quite a peaceful manner it seems. You were on your usual dialysis machine and most likely snoozing when you had another heart attack. Grandad was busy trying to sort the bathroom out for you as he’s installing a whole new suite and putting in a shower to make things easier for you. He only knew that something was wrong with you because the machine alarmed. That’s why I’m pretty sure, and hope, that you were asleep when this happened.
We’d just got home from A&E with P1 when I received the call to get up the hospital straight away. P1 had an accident during her first day at school, it’s typical isn’t it?! She’s cut her tongue wide open. This evening she’s really in pain but I’m sure she’ll be fine in a few days.
Unfortunately, the air med, ambulance and paramedic couldn’t get you to come back to us and up the hospital. You passed away in your own home just like you’d have wanted to with Grandad there. We all went to your house, me and OH, the girls, my mum, my stepdad, Auntie and her husband.
They all had alone time with you. I’m sorry Nan but I just couldn’t face seeing you like that, I wanted to remember you as I saw you this morning and as my little family saw you yesterday. That’s the last time the girls will see you and OH.
P1 doesn’t understand what’s happened, she knows you are with God now but it hasn’t quite hit her or sunk in. She’s too preoccupied with her very painful mouth. P2 will never remember you and that’s sad. I’ll always tell her who you were though, I promise!
Thank you Nan. For absolutely everything you’ve done for me. All the holidays as a child when you were suffering so badly with kidney disease/failure, all the heart to heart chats we’ve had over the past 20years, all the cuddles and all the support. I’m not sure how we’ll all cope without you around but I take comfort in the fact you are now out of pain and you don’t have to struggle each morning anymore.
I really wish that you’d be able to see me in my wedding dress, the dress you bought for me, that was my biggest wish for this year. It will never come true! I love you so much and have no words to how I’m feeling. I miss you Nanny!!