I don’t think anyone knew how we’d all react when today came. Monday and Tuesday I cried several times, feeling anxious and agitated about today. I knew I didn’t want to be moping around feeling sorry for myself. Today, the girls have been really treated and it was lovely to watch them have fun at Build-A-Bear. I know that’s what you would have wanted.
It’s been a hard year. It’s certainly been one where having you to talk to would have made things slightly more bearable. I so desperately wanted you at my wedding. I so desperately wanted to be able to tell you about P3 and for her to meet you. For P2 to have memories of you and for P1s memories to be embedded more.
P1 says you are living in a palace with God. I hope you are in a palace now, free of discomfort and pain. She also says you’re up there doing sticker books with other children and I’m pretty sure you’re drawing those silly stick-men Goldilocks and the Three Bears from my childhood.
I think Grandad has finally got your memorial tree today with Auntie M. I can’t wait to see it.
The pain of missing you isn’t getting any easier. I really thought it would, but that day when you died is still so raw in my mind. The last time I saw you, you were so happy and joking about being in bed. You were you. I miss you. I miss us. The chats we had. The jokes we shared. The love. The bashing of glasses each time we kissed goodbye. You wearing your scarf and hat in the summer.
I love you Nan.
Love Jodie xx