“it’s not like I’d go and ask for a boob job or anything”

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I think the last time I spoke about my breastfeeding journey was with this post and I just wanted to update everyone that may be interested.

For nearly about three weeks I’ve been feeding boobie to P2 after her dinner all the way until her breakfast. She’s been having formula during the day. It’s been going quite well really, she’ll take the formula with no problem especially since changing the teats from 1 to 3. But I’m still feeling low, this time for a whole different reason.

I’m not upset that she’s given me up during the day and I’m not upset about giving formula anymore. It’s given me a lot more freedom and I can get a little more help with P2. I’m upset about me! My body. The way it looks. I have one flat boobie, tiny and floppy. And I have one huge, solid and bulging boobie. I understand there’s probably better things to be worrying about but it’s making me feel terrible about myself.

I don’t mind the size of my small boobie, it’s not like I’d go and ask for a boob job or anything, I hate the lopsided situation I have. It effects what I choose to wear, it hurts and it makes me feel very self conscious. I hate being naked in front of my OH. It’s just embarrassing!

I’ve come to the point that I’m scared for my wedding day. I think it’s time to completely wean off boobie. I’ve read many ways to go about it but I just can’t decide which is best for us. Cold turkey, dropping a feed one by one, expressing for a short time or even getting medication from the doctor.

P2 still feeds in the night… a lot! And right at the beginning of this roller coaster she didn’t sleep or settle at all when on formula in the night. That’s why I chose to do boobie at night in the first place. Plus, I was in absolute agony, and still after three weeks my left boobie is full and painful each and every evening.

I know that I need to be strong with whatever way I choose to wean. I just desperately want the quickest, most pain free option there is to dry my milk up. I desperately want to wear a bra that fits both my boobs at the same time. I desperately want me back.

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