“I’m not ready to not see her for 9hours a day”

It dawned on me today that I should have been returning to work in two weeks time.

It got me thinking, how I would have coped if I was about to embark on work life with two children, being waist deep in wedding planning, sorting P1s school equipment out and having my Nan back in the hospital. It would have been far too overwhelming. I’m very thankful that I don’t have to go back to work in two weeks time. In fact I have 4months and 1week left.

That scares me too. I’m not ready to have someone else care for P2. I’m not ready to not see her for 9hours a day, not be able to touch her and let her fall asleep on me. I’m not ready! Underneath all the shouting and battles I have with P1, I’m enjoying my time at home with her. When she’s good, she’s a dream and I’m going to miss my best friend when she starts school, but when I’m back at work it’ll be different. Our time apart will be longer and I’m scared we’ll lose the bond we’ve created since December 2012.

It was easy with P1. Leaving seemed right, all I was doing was staying at home and that wasn’t good for either of us. Having P1 in nursery did wonders for her development, having the time out at work did wonders for my sanity and earning my own wage was rewarding!! But this time it’s different. I’m older, I’m going out to groups but I’m enjoying my time being a stay at home mum.

Next year, I’ll probably start returning back to my normal self. Getting some time out from being a mummy. I’ll probably be exhausted too especially if P2s sleep pattern continues to be the way it is. I need to win the lottery!!
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