Growing up my family consisted of three main people that I put all my trust and love into; my Mum, my Nan and my Grandad. With my Mum working full time, I spent before and after school with my Grandparents, I have plenty of fond memories of the holidays I spent with them in Scotland or Somerset and I had many sleepovers round their house too. But it was always my Mum that I turned to if I wanted to discuss personal or more intimate things. She was my best friend. She was the one person I could trust with anything. Was.
September 2013 saw a heck of a lot of changes in my life. Not only did I lose my Nan and move to Kent all in the same week, but it saw problems develop between my Mum and me, ultimately the breakdown of our relationship. It’s not fair on anyone involved in this to explain in detail what’s been happening but if I asked you to imagine an episode of EastEnders, that would pretty much sum it up and it wouldn’t be far off the truth. What’s been happening in my life is stuff you never believe would happen to you. But it is.
We all thought everything was over, after 8 months of complete hell. We thought it was finally time for everyone to move forward and forget the nastiness that’s been said and done. I was so wrong. It’s all started again but on a whole new scale, a lower and more horrific scale.
I look at my two girls and my growing bump and wonder if I could be so cruel to them. To cause so much stress and heart ache in their lives over what I believe is the right thing. I know I couldn’t and wouldn’t! I know 100% that my love for them is much more important and seeing them happy and succeed is my main and only goal for life!
Blood isn’t always thicker than water. I do feel very lucky to have my Grandad and the marriage-inherited family. A broken plate can be fixed but it will never be the same. A mother and daughter bond is one of the strongest and mine has been broken with no going back.
It’s the hardest decision to make when you realise that it’s better to let go of the ones you love rather than wallow in sadness caused by them when they only have their own feelings on their minds.