Already Terrified

I’ve been on maternity leave for 94 days, only 30 days of that have been joined by P2. I tried to keep my routine with P1 as much as I could at the start but I was exhausted. I took my maternity leave early as all the doctors etc kept telling me that P2 would be early and they wanted me to prevent it – which I guess worked. But I feel like I’ve wasted my maternity leave.

I have less time to watch P2 grow up. I don’t even know if she’ll be starting solids by the time I’m due back to work! That scares me. Then there’s the decision to make regarding breastfeeding. Do I supply the nursery with breast milk? Or do I wean her off it and onto formula after doing so well? Will my boss allow me to express during work hours? Will I want to?

So many things are going through my head. I’m excited to return to work and show my boss that I am a good employee as last year went a bit tits up and I know I’m close to losing my job. But then there’s a huge part of me that would rather struggle for money just so I can be a stay at home mum and I know my OH would prefer that too. Just until P2 starts school anyway and that’s even if I could get a job considering I have no qualifications to my name and have only ever had one job!

I have a list of things I want to do with my girls and only 193 days left to do them in.

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